2002/11/03 | THE GIFT

From the beginning, I have known you were different, that this time wasn’t anything like the other ones. I have felt a freedom with you, a security I have never known before. There are no rules, no rôles, no restrictions — just whoever I am at any given moment.

All I have ever known are responsibilities and rules, how to be the kind of rôle model I was supposed to be. I was to be a leader, and while that may sound like a heavy mantle to place on the shoulders of a child, I knew in my heart the truth that I and my family were destined to be leaders wherever we went.

When you came into my life, you gave me the one thing I couldn’t : the freedom to set everything aside and just be myself. I cannot tell you how profoundly your gift has touched my heart. You asked for me to come to you freely and openly. You wanted me, not me filtered through the trappings of my life, and in so doing, you have enabled me to experience something I have never known before — acceptance.

I choose to continue to be open to you and accept the risk of the pain I might some day feel, to nurture the acceptance and intimacy we both need to grow into fullness. As fearful as I am of the possibility of a staggering blow from unforeseen circumstance we cannot now name, I am more afraid of never experiencing the richness of intimacy with you.

I do not know were love begins. There is a difference between acceptance and love, but I feel a growing warmth and trust for you. This makes me want much more of you and want to give much more of myself to you. It is not the permanence of “’til death us do part,” but it is a good beginning.

— J. E. Clark / 3 November 2002

This entry was posted in JAKOB MACKENZIE and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to 2002/11/03 | THE GIFT

  1. ted simon says:

    First reading –
    AMy Carmichael poem hit home as did the paragraph on wanting to love and hate and hold those who abandon us through death- men never talk about hearts, its a surprise when we love and a surprise when we die


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